The Many Themes of Fanfiction
by annoying talking animal
Summary: You know when you're reading that dramatic romance, and Kai's lusting for blood like limpid pools of molten ruby, and Tyson has a diamond-encrusted Jaguar, and Tala's parents are clowns? No? Then you obviously haven't read this one. Erm co-writes. Parody.
1. Depression

_So as the description suggests, this is a parody of themes and motifs of silly fanfiction, and silly fiction, actually. We're not attempting to be superior, because we LOVE silly fanfiction, and fiction, actually, and we write silly fanfiction too. We're just having a bit of fun._

_Cowritten by erm, who has this _**WARNING**: This is a _**RANDOM**_ fic. _It's supposed to be funny. If it's not your thing, please move along, everyone will be happier for it. _

_Without further addendums, here it is._

Depression

Kai was a very misunderstood person. The only person who understood him was his best friend, Ray. Ray was also a very misunderstood person. The only person who understood him was his best friend, Kai. Oh, how sentimenti.

But one day, a tragedy occurred. Kai received news that his second cousin's hairdresser's best friend's former roommate had died of hitchhiker's thumb. Obviously, Kai and his second cousin's hairdresser's best friend's former roommate were very close, so he was devastated.

'Oh no!' Kai muttered sarcastically, waving one helpless finger. Tyson ran over at these obvious signs of despair.

'WHERE'S THE CANNON?!' called Max , sending Ray flying out the window in shock.

Tears now formed in Kai's eyes. 'Emily was a good friend of mine,' he explained. 'I can't believe that a thumb could cause so much pain!'

'You can die of hitchhiker's thumb?' Ray asked. Kai glared at him. Then the phone rang.

'The PHOOOOOONE!' called Tyson.

'Gee, I wish I could speak whale,' Max said longingly.

Kai rolled his eyes and picked up the telephone. 'Hn' he said unenthusiastically.

'Seven days,' said the person calling them in a harsh whisper.

'What?'

'Seven days until Emily's funeral. Be there. And you can bring many friends. Emily was always welcoming of new people,' said the mysterious caller, who was now recognized by Kai as Emily's beloved brother.

'Okay, Bob. Sorry for your loss.' Kai said after hanging up the phone.

'Um, Kai?' Tyson ventured.

'Yes Tyson.' Kai muttered irritably.

'Shouldn't you say that before you hang up?'

'YOU KNOW WHAT? I TALK DIFFERENTLY THAN YOU WHEN I'M ON THE PHONE!' Kai screamed.

'You should be more sensitive, Tyson. Kai just lost a dear friend.' Ray said. Kai smiled at him. Awwwww.

On the day of Emily's funeral, Hilary had them all up and eating bright and early, for the wake was scheduled for three a.m. ('Who has a wake at three a.m.?' Tyson had asked menacingly.)

'Are you all right, Kai?' Hilary asked soothingly as she scooped mounds of purple scrambled eggs and blue toast on to his plate.

'Yeah, I'm fine, but will you please stop food colouring everything you serve us?' Ray answered.

'I wasn't talking to you.' Hilary swatted at his head with the spatula. She then went back to serving Max his bright orange bacon. 'Ewwww, Hilary! I don't want to eat something that touched Ray's head!' Max screamed.

'THEN GET IT YOURSELF!' Hilary bellowed.

Hn.

Kai approached the casket with some reluctance, holding a black rose in his hand.

'What's with the black rose?' asked Tyson. 'Shouldn't roses be red?'

'SHUT UP! STOP DISTURBING EVERYONE HERE WITH YOUR STUPID COMMENTS! YOU'RE DISTRACTING PEOPLE FROM THEIR MOURNING!' Max hollered, causing everyone to jump through the window.

'Great.' stated Kai, staring at the snapped rose in his hand. 'Now I have to go spray paint another one.'

'No, now you can just get a red one.' Tyson grinned.

'ARGH!' shrieked Mr. Dickenson.

'Why are you here?' Tyson asked.

'TO BE HERE! ARGH!' Mr. Dickenson, after yelling this, turned into the Hulk and began destroying everything in sight.

'Whoa.' said Max, staring in awe at a piece of paper.

Kai had finally reached his dramatic destination of Emily's casket. He placed the rose on her nose.

'What the-' gasped Hilary, looking at the rose. 'Why not-'

'DO YOU HAVE TO QUESTION EVERYTHING I DO?' Kai screamed.

Okay. This is the depression chappa, not the angst one. I think that's enough screaming for now.

Kai sulked, not speaking to anyone. Ray was depressed as well, because no one was talking to him. They must have been irritated by his huge red hat that said, 'I AM SO AMAZING! ALL SHALL FEAR ME!' in bright green letters.

Finally, it came time for the funeral. Kai rode in the hearse beside his good friend's coffin.

'LET ME OUT!' Screamed Kai, almost being squashed by the enormous weight of the casket.

No one listened to him. As his breath left him slowly, Kai sulked even more.

'I now say to you, go in peace and live well in honour of the true Emily.' The Priest said at the end of the funeral mass.

The casket's lid lifted. Max screamed, 'LOOK AT THAT HIDEOUS STAINED GLASS PORTRAIT!'

Emily stepped out and said, 'Bonjour. Quest-ce que c'est?'

For they were all staring at her. Except Max. 'EWWWWWWWWWW! WHAT AN UGLY STAINED GLASS THINGY!' he yelled.

'Oui. Je deteste il. C'est tres… je pense…'

'ARGH!' yelled Mr. Dickenson.

'Don't you speak English?' Tyson asked.

'No.' said Mr. Dickenson.

'Crap.' said Tyson angrily.

'YEY! EMILY IS ALIVE!' yelled Kai.

_Soooo… how exactly was that depression? And don't you love how we're like, "Enough screaming," and then a few lines down someone's screaming again? In any case, this chappa pretty much sets the tone for how the rest of the story will go… tee hee._


	2. Love At First Sight

_The second theme is Love, which we've split into three different sub-themes. This is the first: FLUFF._

_ATA wrote this on her own because erm was watching __Sound of Music__, but ATA had some help from Chelss. Some ideas may belong to her._

_Enjoy!_

Tyson sat on the sun-filled hilltop. His long blue hair swayed in the wind, and his hat sitting loosely on his head. His head was filled with thoughts about Hilary.

All of a sudden, Tyson heard a munching noise. He turned, expecting to see Daii Chi, but instead saw a huge black llama with his duo-coloured hat in its mouth.

"Heeeeeeeeeeey, give that back!" he called to the evil beast, but the llama just stared at him, blinking in the bright sunlight.

"Hey good looking!" Tyson called, blinking back at the llama.

The llama stared back, its eyes full of pineapples. It was love at first sight! Tyson loved pineapples!

Tyson grabbed the pineapples and without further ado he stuffed them into his mouth, skin and all. He thanked the llama and went off to find Max.

"MAX! MAX!" he called into the darkness, wondering why he was looking for Max in a dark and creepy cave. "Ma-ax!"

"Yes?" asked a low voice. Tyson sighed in relief. It was Max.

"HI MAX!" Tyson yelled.

"HI TYSON!" Max called back, wondering why they were yelling, even though Tyson was standing on the same chair Max was sitting on. Wait, how does that work?

Well, anyway, that happened. Tyson explained that he found his true love ("And it tasted so sweet, and I've never felt that way about a fruit before!" Max stared at him, misinterpreting 'fruit'. "Oh cool, I didn't know you were gay, Tyson," he said, which made Tyson shut up.)

YEY Tyson shut up. Anyway, meanwhile…….

Meanwhile it was the end of the Chappa.


	3. Jealousy?

_Now for the second sub-theme: JEALOUSY! (Shrug)_

_A new __**WARNING**__: now that we're getting into teh lurve, it's time to warn you about shipping. We do a lot of hinting just for giggles, but we're not very respectful. To KAI/HIL shippers in particular, we irreverently use your ship to further the TY/HIL undercurrents. We're very sorry, but hopefully you can enjoy it anyway and forgive us._

It was a horrid day in Beyblade City. It was gloomy and windy and rainy and darky and murky and stormy and gusty and blustery. But Hilary was happy.

She was on her way to the mall, where there was a huge sale on toenail clippers. Tyson was on his way to the mall as well, because there was a Hilary.

They crashed into each other. "Ow!" yelled Hilary. "You idiot! I was on my way to the toenail clipper sale, and now everything is ruined!"

"Because you crashed into me?" asked Tyson incredulously.

"Yes!" yelled Hilary.

"Don't worry Hilary, I'll take you to the sale on my new Moped." Kai said heroically.

Ray glared, at no one in particular, as he attempted to disable a deadly bomb. "Hurry up, you moron!" yelled a frantic Daii Chi.

"Would YOU like to try?" asked Ray angrily.

"YES!" Daii Chi screamed, grabbing the bomb and hurling it at Ray.

"HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEY!" Ray bellowed.

Max guffawed loudly.

"It's not funny!" Daii Chi yelled.

"Yeah, we've got about three seconds left!" Ray added.

"Okay, well, I might as well admit it…………………." Max started.

Ray and Daii Chi stared at him. "We're kind of on a tight schedule here." Daii Chi reminded Max.

"I - I can disable bombs." Max told them, hanging his head.

Ray and Daii Chi stared. "WELL THEN DO IT!" They yelled in unison.

"Oooh, Kai, that's a cool Moped!" Hilary gushed.

"No it's not." Tyson said.

"Yes it is!" Hilary retorted.

"No it's not!"

"Yes it is!"

"No it's not!"

"Yes it is!"

"No it's not!"

"Yes it is!"

"No it's not!"

"Yes it is!"

"No it's not!"

"Yes it is!"

"No it's not!"

"Yes it is!"

"No it's not!"

"Yes it is!"

"No it's not!"

"Yes it is!"

"No it's not!"

"Yes it is!"

"No it's not!"

"Yes it is!"

"No it's not!"

"Yes it is!"

"No it's not!"

"Yes it is!"

"What were we arguing about?" Tyson asked.

"I don't know, but IT IS!" Hilary screeched.

"The sale hath ended." said Romeo solemnly.

"NOO!" screamed Hilary in agony.

"Sorry, Hilary." Tyson said sadly.

"It's not your fault. Oh wait, yes it is!" And with that, Hilary got on Kai's Moped and they zoomed off.

"NO MOPEDS IN THE MALL!" bellowed Chief, ever the stickler.

"It's too late." said Tyson angrily. "And now it's war."

"Or is it? Dun dun dun…" Kai muttered, appearing out of nowhere with Hilary.

**Silence**

**Silence**

"It's quiet… too quiet," Max whispered into the silence.

"Uh… Max?" asked Tyson. "Where'd you come from?"

"We were disabling the deadly bomb under your diamond-encrusted Jaguar," Ray explained, appearing from under the gleaming car. Daii Chi crawled out after him.

"I have a diamond-encrusted Jaguar? COOL!" Tyson exclaimed.

"Crap," Kai murmured.

Hilary gasped. "Oh em gee! It's AWESOME, Tyson! Where'd you get it?"

"The… car store?" Tyson suggested uncomfortably.

Kai rolled his eyes exasperatedly.

Ray's eyes lit up. "Hey, guys, guess what? Max can disable bombs!"

Max's eyes widened, and he burst into tears.

"NO! MY DEEP, DARK SECRET HAS BEEN REVEALED!" he sobbed.

They all stared at him.

"So, Tyson, can I have a ride in your car?" Hilary asked.

"Sure… but there's one problem."

"What?"

"I don't have a license."

They all smacked their heads in frustration.

"But… how hard can it be?" he added brightly.

The two of them got into the car excitedly. "So… first things first… where's the 'on' button?"

They all smacked their heads again.

"Whatever, the moped's better anyway," Hilary growled.

"NO IT'S NOT! WHY IS KAI ALWAYS BETTER THEN ME AT EVERYTHING!" Tyson screamed.

"Well, he's older, hotter, more mature, cooler, better in general, AND he's hot," Ray said.

"That was a rhetorical question, Ray," Tyson said angrily.

"Let's look at this logically," Max suggested. "Why are you _really_ jealous of Kai, Tyson?"

Ray raised his eyebrows. "Because… he's older, hotter, more mature, cooler, better in general, AND he's hot?"

They all rolled their eyes.

"Because he… has a moped?" Tyson suggested.

"Tyson… be honest."

"FINE! IT"S BECAUSE HE HAS A PINK PLUSHIE ELEPHANT IN HIS BED AND IT'S REALLY SOFT AND _I_ WANT IT!" he howled into the night.

"Uh…" they all said in unison.

"Tyson, you promised me you wouldn't tell anyone!" Kai growled.

_A/N - I was abandoned by my sister, so I had to finish this chappa all alone :'( But I forgot what was going to happen so I just made it up. Whatever :)_

_HUGE LOVE TO LES REVIEWERS! We'd like to list you off and thank you personally but it's not allowed. But we read them all and love you as much as Tyson loves pineapples!_

_Also, Romeo randomly showed up there for a moment. We hope you know that we don't own him._

_And we'll be back in less then a year with another chappa!_

_- erm and ATA_


	4. Romance

_Hey. Here is, finally, a new chappa._

**WARNING! READ THE WARNING BEFORE READING THE CHAPPA! READ THE WARNING PLEASE! IT'S A VERY IMPORTANT WARNING! – This chappa hints slightly towards two certain ships. However, both are bashed. SORRY! We honestly don't mean to insult anyone. This is a free shipping world. Ship Tyson's Hat/Dranzer if you want, we won't judge you. **

_LOVE: ROMANCE_

Max was woken up by the extremely rude telephone on his nightstand. It rang insistently. He scowled, reached for the phone and wrenched it off the hook.

"Helloooo?" he croaked.

"Max," came the sharp bark of his mother, thoroughly startling him.

"Yes?" Max answered her timidly.

"You're taking Emily to dinner tonight. Pick her up at seven sharp," she told him in her cold way. He heard the line go dead and slammed the phone back where it was supposed to be.

The four Bladebreakers, Hilary, Chief and Diachi sat around Tyson's table eating breakfast in silence.

"You know what I've always wondered?" began Diachi. They all looked up from their plates and stared at him.

Silence filled the room.

"What have you always wondered?" asked Tyson finally.

"Hmm?" Diachi answered.

"What have you always wondered?" Tyson repeated, sounding slightly irritated now.

"I never said I wondered about anything," Diachi muttered through mounds of tofu eggs.

"Yes you DID, just now!" Tyson retorted.

"I'll give you wondering!" Diachi yelled. He wielded his fork and lunged for Tyson's throat.

As Diachi and Tyson engaged in a furious fork fight, Chief sighed and opened up the newspaper.

"Bad news doggy daddy day." Chief said sadly.

"WTF? ^^" said Australia pleasantly.

"So. What's everyone doing today?" asked Hilary calmly as a deadly fork flew past her right ear.

"I was thinking we'd go see a movie tonight," Ray suggested. "You in?"

"Sure." Hilary intoned.

"Hn." Kai offered.

"Cracking head rock bridge." Chief said.

"I can't." Max said.

"Why not?" Ray asked.

"I've got a date with Emily," Tyson said.

"No, IIII have," Max said quickly.

"Oh, right, that was you," Tyson said airily.

"You've got a date?" Hilary squealed.

"With Emily?" Ray asked.

"Where?" Hilary asked excitedly.

"When?" Ray asked as excitedly as Hilary.

"Are you getting her anything?" Hilary screeched.

"Who initiated it?" Ray shrieked.

"THIS ISN'T QUESTION PERIOD!" Daichi bellowed.

Max looked at them all through huge blue eyes. He took a deep breath and then launched himself, head first, out the window.

"Gee, we'd better talk to him," Tyson said, sitting down finally, four parallel scratches oozing blood on his cheek.

"Yeah, he always jumps out the window when he feels depressed," Diachi muttered.

Ray threw up.

"WILL YOU STOP COOKING WITH TOFU?" Ray roared.

"There is NOTHING wrong with tofu!" Hilary retorted.

"I have a deadly allergy to it!" Ray yelled.

"Ming Ming ate an orange today," Chief announced.

They all stared at him, rather frightened.

The clock ticked nearer and nearer to seven o clock, but Max stayed right where he was: on the couch in his pajamas, watching football and eating ice cream.

"Max!" Hilary said swiftly, noticing he was still there.

"Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat?" murmured Max, sounding heartily depressed.

"You HAVE to go pick her up!" She shrilled.

"No I don't," he muttered.

"But she'll be HEARTBROKEN!" Hilary told him.

"And that affects me how?" asked Tyson.

"I'm NOT talking to you!" Hilary yelled.

"Wait!" Max had leapt up and was now staring from Hilary to Tyson and from Tyson to Hilary and from Hilary to Tyson and from Tyson to Hilary and from Hilary to Tyson and from Tyson to Hilary and –

"You're making me dizzy," Tyson complained.

"YOU could go out with Emily! You could dress up as me and then -" Max suggested.

"What?" Tyson asked, alarmed.

"WHAT?" Shrieked Hilary, even more alarmed than Tyson.

"Come ON! It's perfect! You can just be you and she won't ever want to go out with me again!" Max persisted.

"What?" Tyson asked again.

"WHAT?" shrieked Hilary again.

"Ever since my mother met Emily's dad, she's been madly in love with him. However, she's such a frigid bitch that he really doesn't like her. So, in order to get closer to him, she's always wanted me and Emily to go out and get married and stuff so that she would have a permanent hold over him, all the while holding me over Emily's nose like some tasty piece of meat that she just really wants," Max said.

"What?" asked Tyson.

"WHAT?" shrieked Hilary.

"Great, I knew you guys would understand!" said Max happily.

"Yeah, right," Hilary said, regaining herself. "Tyson, go on a date? It's laughable!"

"And why's that?" Tyson asked menacingly.

"Because you're so obnoxious!" Hilary giggled.

"I am NOT obnoxious!" bellowed Tyson.

"Um -" Max tried, but they continued.

"Yes you are!" attested Hilary.

"I am not!" Tyson repeated.

"You are!" Hilary yelled.

"Fine! I'll go out with her, AND I'll sweep her off her feet, how's that?" asked Tyson angrily.

"You just try and I'll laugh!" Hilary yelled back.

"That's not really what I -" Max tried again.

"Come on! Hair and make-up!" Tyson hollered.

It was time. Tyson looked almost exactly like Max, thanks to everyone's contribution.

"Except Kai." Ray muttered angrily. "He just leaned against the wall."

Yes. Except Kai. Before Tyson approached the door, he hung back to speak to Max and Hilary, who were going to follow around.

Max realized the stupidity of the situation. However, he was dressed up as Tyson. And everybody knows that when you dress up as Tyson, you can't take anything seriously.

"Gee, Tyson, you sure look goofy! Hyuck, hyuck!" Max said with a strong southern accent.

"Tyson, try not to make a complete fool of yourself." Hilary said teasingly.

"I won't make a complete fool of myself." Tyson told her furiously. "Now go jump in the bushes."

"Why jump in the bushes when we could take a cruise ship all the way to Nunavut?" asked Max, but he followed Hilary into the thick green bushes anyway.

Tyson knocked three times.

"Max." Emily greeted without feeling. She marched out of the house, grabbed Tyson's arm and pulled him towards the fair to which they were going.

"Come on!" Hilary said, pulling Max after them.

"Whoa!" Tyson screeched after almost falling flat on his face. "Can we please just slow down?"

"Fine." Emily muttered.

"Thanks." Tyson said grudgingly. "So, tennis, eh?"

"Yeah." She said in monotone.

"Great." Tyson answered.

"Ha!" whispered Hilary. "He is so bad at this."

It began to snow.

"Oooo!" murmured Max.

"It doesn't snow in Japan." Emily said, bored. [pretty sure it does, but suspend your disbelief, people, and ignore the blatant interruption of the story by the author]

"It is so beautiful." Tyson muttered.

The falling snow seemed to cause a huge change in Tyson.

"It's just cold rain, Max. It's not that exciting." Emily sighed.

"I've never seen it before!" Tyson told her sharply.

"Yes you have." Emily muttered irritably.

"No I haven't!" Tyson breathed. He came to a complete stop. He glanced up at the sky.

"Really? I thought you'd been New York." Emily said, approaching him and following his gaze.

"Er – Uh – Yeah. But I was never – Uh – In New York when it snowed." Tyson stammered.

"Oh." Emily said.

They both gazed up at the sky for a while.

"You know, I think I'd rather stay here." Tyson said finally.

"Oh – okay…" Emily said quietly.

As they sat down on some grass and watched the snow fall lazily to the ground, Hilary fumed at Max.

"Who does he think he is?" She adopted a girly voice much girlier then her own. "Ooo, it's so beautiful, ooo, I've never seen it before, ooooo, let's just stay here and watch it!" She huffed impatiently. "I think I'll just THROW UP!"

"I think he thinks he's me," Max responded airily. "Look at him, wearing those orange pants… who wears orange pants, anyway?"

"What a fruit." Hilary muttered, staring angrily at Tyson's back.

"Max?" asked Emily suddenly.

It took Tyson a while before he answered her. "Oh, yeah, that's me, what?"

"What's it like, being here in Japan, without your mom, without m – the team?" She asked.

Tyson looked at her for a moment, not knowing quite what she wanted from him.

"Well," He began gruffly, watching her for some sign. She stared at him intently. Understanding suddenly flooded through his very small brain. He adopted a dreamy voice, looked straight into her eyes and said, "Every minute without you seems like sixty seconds."

"Then why do you stay here?" Emily asked quickly. "Come back with me!"

"I have to," Tyson murmured, "because I have responsibilities here."

Emily looked away. "Yes, yes, I suppose you have." She said sadly.

Tyson nodded sadly.

A few moments passed, and she said, "I was thinking, you know, about our… situation. Your mom really wants us to get together, and when she told me about tonight… I thought you were going to be all… Maxish."

"Hey!" Max said defiantly.

"Shut up." Hilary said, hitting him.

"All… Crazy and random and always running away whenever I try to kiss you and screaming bloody murder whenever I tried to talk…" She continued.

"Er…" Tyson said, shooting a glance towards the bushes where Max was hiding.

Hilary stared at Max. "What?" He asked her insolently.

"But you're not." She said dreamily. "You've grown up." And then… She leaned towards him.

Hilary sprang into action. She pulled Max out of the bush and launched herself at the couple.

"Hi!" She said breathlessly, pulling a twig out of her hair.

Emily looked disappointed. Tyson looked curious. The slice of pizza on the ground beside them looked impatient.

"What were YOU two doing?" Asked Emily curiously, glancing at the nearby bush they had just emerged from.

"Nothing." said Hilary, looking flustered. "But we saw you and we thought we'd say hello!"

"It's snowing." Tyson said.

"I know, Max." Hilary said furiously. Tyson gulped.

"Why don't you two join us?" asked an oblivious Emily. Hilary gladly took a seat beside them and pulled Max down as well.

Max pointed in awe at a rather large blade of grass.

Emily looked oddly at Max for a moment, and then said, "We were just discussing you… Max can't leave here because of his obligations to you guys."

"But he has obligations in New York, too." Hilary said sweetly. "I think he should go back and spend some time with his mother." She shot a livid glare at Tyson.

"Yeah, actually, I think I will." Tyson retorted. Hilary gasped. Emily squealed. Max guffawed. "For you, my sweet, sweet Emily, I will do anything."

"Oh, Max!" Emily bellowed. She threw her arms around Tyson's neck and kissed him.

It was like nothing Tyson had ever experienced. He could see sugar plums dancing in his head. And tangerines. And parsnips in a conga line. And a Fruitopia commercial.

"Max?" asked Emily, concerned.

For Tyson was staring, dazed into the darkness, muttering, "Celery… Pineapples… Kumquats… Dance, my pretties, dance!"

Hilary was looking absolutely enraged. Max was blowing a bubble gum bubble.

"Oh. Hi." Tyson said, brought back to reality.

"Pineapples?" Emily shrieked. "PINEAPPLES?"

"What? What about pineapples?" Tyson asked, confused.

"That's how my mother died, being pelted with pineapples!" Emily screeched.

"Er… Sorry, Emily -" Tyson started, but she cut him off.

"I can NEVER love a man who eats pineapples." Emily fumed. "Will you give them up for me?" She asked sweetly.

"I'm sorry, Emily, but pineapples… They are my one true love. Goodbye." Tyson said dramatically.

She stared at him incredulously for a moment, and then stormed off.

Meanwhile, Kai and Ray had gone out for brunch. At 8:00 p.m.

They were sitting in silence, due to Kai's lack of social skills. Ray rolled his eyes, and stood up.

"I'm getting food," he announced to no one in particular.

Kai nodded indifferently.

As Ray stormed off, Kai looked around furtively. "Finally, he's gone…" he muttered to himself, pulling out a small whistle.

"EVERYBODY DANCE NOW!" shrieked a man wearing shiny disco pants. Kai leapt up and started doing a disco point as five other guys showed up in their disco attire, and a disco ball fell from the ceiling.

_Did you catch that End of the World moment? So… difficult to write. Romance, she is not our cup of tea, and ATA made erm write most of it while she got to write Kai disco dancing. _


	5. Masked Karaoke Ball Extravaganza

**THEME: KARAOKE/MASKED BALL**

**We apologize for taking five years to update. No, really. I'm serious. We do.**

_Ohmygiddygod it's been tooooo long. All of our poor reviewers have gone on with their lives. But we promised to keep writing, so we're keeping writing. This is a chappa dear to our hearts, because it includes devices that we have used, and devices that make us snicker. And ZOMG there's a plot now._

_By the way, we're just having fun with our favourite Beyblade characters, and we don't own any of the songs that we've used. And no disrespect intended to ships._

The morning after Tyson's disastrous date with Emily, the Bladebreakers were sitting glumly in the kitchen, chomping on Hilary's carrot-hand cake for breakfast. Max was still wearing his Tyson wig, and Tyson and Hilary were glaring pointedly away from each other.

No one could be sure, but they each privately suspected that they saw a hint of glitter and could detect the scent of heavy discoing on Kai.

"Oh. My. Gawd," exclaimed Ray.

"What is it, Ray?" asked Chief.

"A Masked Ball!" Ray squealed, holding up the Bey City Times and pointing to a full-page colour spread. "And, fifty percent off a karaoke machine at The Bey City Karaoke Machine Store!"

Those reading this story raised their eyebrows at the lazy plot development and quickly went off to find a more substantial fic to read.

None but Ray found these developments interesting, so he sniffled and skipped off to The Bey City Karaoke Machine Store by himself. He purchased a karaoke machine, and a couple of irritating karaoke cds, and then he skipped off back home. Tyson's home.

"This is my home," Tyson said whilst Ray plugged in the machine and rearranged the furniture inconveniently so that he could give an energetic performance, "and I don't like karaoke!"

"That's not true," Chief said knowledgably. "You're a huge fan of karaoke."

"No I isn't!" complained Tyson.

"Of course you are. Tyson, you love pretending that you're good at things when you're actually really terrible," Hilary added.

"You know, what, Hilary?" But Tyson didn't get to tell her what, because at that moment Ray began shrieking. Er. Singing.

"Do you believe in life after love? I can feel something inside me say, 'I really don't think you're strong enough, noooo!"

Ray had pushed everything off of the kitchen table and jumped up. Using a pineapple as a microphone ("The machine _comes_ with a microphone, Ray," Chief had explained patiently but to no avail) he began dancing extravagantly.

"But I know that I'll get through this, 'cause I know that I am strong. I don't need you anymore, OH I don't need you anymore, I don't need you anymore, NO I don't need you anymore." Ray finished his song with a long, shuddering breath. He put down his pineapple, descended from the table, and burst into tears.

Everyone in the room exchanged bewildered looks as Ray sobbed noisily into Kai's shoelaces.

"Um, Ray, are you okay?" Max asked slowly, having taken off his Tyson wig in order to take this seriously.

Ray nodded tragically. "Y – Y – Yuh – Yes." He sniffled a bit and looked up at the others with watery eyes. "Someone else sing."

Unwilling to say no to Ray in his present condition, Tyson, Hilary, Chief, Daichi, and Max began to stare each other down. Finally, Tyson stepped up.

"You know what, Hilary? I actually do like Karaoke. And I am good at it."

"Here we go," Hilary sighed. "Fine, pretend to be good at it. We all know you're just going to embarrass yourself."

"Can you two stop doing this cliché sexual tension thing now, please? Hilary, Tyson proved you wrong, he's good at dating. And Tyson, you need to stop caring so much about what other people think of you. You have to be your own person!" Max said sternly, having swapped his wig for a pair of spectacles and a sophisticated moustache that he was stroking thoughtfully.

Tyson stuck his tongue out at Hilary, ignoring Max's sound advice, and began to shuffle through the CDs Ray had bought. Finally, he popped one into the machine and chose track 5.

All stared at Tyson apprehensively. Kai had donned a large set of soundproof headphones and some lab goggles. Ray had stopped crying and clamped his hands over his ears. Chief had pulled a large hat over his ears. Max hastily put his Tyson wig back on and gave his psychiatrist accessories to Daichi (who put them on swiftly). Hilary smirked, folded her arms, and leaned back.

When Tyson started singing, however, everyone jumped in surprise ("Except Kai," said Ray angrily, "He just sat there with his sound-proof headphones on."). Tyson's voice was no longer as crap as it used to be – in fact, he was rather good.

"When I am down and oh my soul, so dangerously cheesy;

When something-something and my heart Bartleby;

Then, I am still waiting here in the science,

Until you come and sit awhile with… something.

"You raison up, so I can stand on fountains;

You raison up, to walk on stormy bees;

I am wrong, when I am on your boulders;

You raison up... to forty thousand and three."

Tyson put down the pineapple and looked around dramatically. Hilary's eyebrows had disappeared into her hairline. Max was sponge-bathing himself in the kitchen sink. Daichi was nodding intelligently and scribbling in his notebook. Ray had begun tying Kai's shoelaces together, while Kai sat oblivious to this, head-banging.

"It has a microphone so that your voice comes out of the speakers. Why do you keep using that stupid pineapple? And this song isn't about raisons. You know that the words are on the little screen, right? Anyway, they –"

Chief continued talking, unheard by the others.

"So Hilary, what do you think now?" Tyson asked.

"Whatever, Tyson. I bet Kai is better than you," Hilary snapped.

"Ohmygod yes, let's see Kai do karaoke!" said anyone who has ever watched Beyblade.

Ray wrenched Kai's headphones off and said, "Kai, what's the one thing you like more than moody brooding?"

"Battling Tyson at something and inevitably losing," Kai responded swiftly.

"Here's your chance." Ray heaved him onto the table and handed him the pineapple. Hilary picked a track for him.

"Oh #&$*%," said Kai sadly.

And then the song began.

"There were nights when the lamp was so cold,

That my body froze in bed if I turned it on and tried to read my vampire erotica.

There were days when the fish were so cruel

That they giggled at me when I fed them flakes of puréed crap for their supper.

"I finished snorkeling in the instant that you left,

And I can't remember where I put my goggles,

And I banished every soufflé you and I had ever made."

Hilary stood nearby, nodding seriously, tears streaming down her face. Tyson glared. Ray swooned. Max lined up his rubber ducks for battle. Daichi took more notes. Chief sighed.

"But when you clutch me like this,

And when you seize me like that,

I just have to admit,

That my yeast infection's coming back to me.

When I shove you like this,

And I clasp you like that,

It's so hard to believe but,

It's definitely coming back to me."

And Hilary and Ray sang the backup lyrics: "It's really coming back, it's itchy and coming back to me now,"

Kai joined them: "There were moments of glee!

And there were flashes of global warming!

There were substances I'd never smoke again!

But then I realize that I never did anyway because I'm a good boy!

There were nights of endless angst!

It was more than any laws allow!

Babeh, babeh, babeh,

"If I shout at you like this,

And if you bellow like that,

The bruises had faded long ago,

But they're all coming back to me.

If you watch me like this,

And if you stalk me like that,

The restraining order expired long ago,

But I think I'll renew it now.

It's so hard to resist,

And the cops are coming back to me,

I can barely recall,

But it's all coming back to me ,"

Then he clutched his throat, because his voice was gone.

"Oh my gawd, Kai, you are soooo amazing," said Hilary.

"Haven't we been through this?" asked Ray, Daichi, and Max together.

"She's just saying it to make Tyson mad," Kai would have said, if he'd had a voice. Alas, all that came from his mouth was a large croak.

"Come on, Kai, we must pour olive oil down your throat so that you're ready for the ball. Oh my God ball tonight with masks because it's a masked ball and masked balls have masks and it's like a masquerade but they didn't call it that 'cause it's a masked ball and we have to wear MASKS! And we can all dress up with masks and got to the masked ball! It's going to be SO. MUCH. FUN."

"… I guess we're going to the masked ball, then?" Hilary asked dejectedly.

"Not before we finish karaokeing!" yelped Ray. "Whosenext!?!!??!1"

"I'll have a turn," declared Hilary.

"Oh, now this is interesting. You see, fellows, this is the part where the shy girl gets up and expresses her true feelings through song, and the boy of her dreams listens and understands her for the first time. Let's watch," Daichi said, twirling his moustache.

"Hilary, shy? Please," Tyson laughed.

Hilary glared at him as she took to the table.

"Soulja boy off in this toe

Watch me Frank it, watch me stroll

Watch me Frank Fat soulja boy

Then super man flat Joe

Now watch me moo

Now watch me glue

Now watch me sue

Now watch me coo."

"Soulja boy off in this bow

Watch me gleam and watch me mock

Super man that Moe

Then watch me Frank that porkychop

Diaper change, now watch me stalk

Giggling at them haters, Stan

When I do that, Stanny boy

I lean to the left and poo these pants

(Now poo)

I'm caulking your window sill

And if we get the Beatles

Then I'm flocking to an Octopus's garden

You catch me at your yellow submarine

Yes I'm Frank it's nice to meet you

Haters get mad because

"I'm sophisticated and wear a monocle."

Everyone stared, open mouthed, at Hilary. Daichi's moustache fell off.

"My turn," yelped Chief, after a solid hour of open-mouthed staring.

He took the microphone… and when he began singing, his voice was sexily deep and rumbly, like a rhinoceros. Because, you know. There's nothing sexier than a rhinoceros.

"I try to discover

A little something to make my feet hurt

Oh baby refrain

From breaking my chiiiiina,

I'm so annoyed with you,

I'll be forever bluuuuue,

That you give me no pizza,

Why're you making me work the streets,

Don't you tell me go, don't you tell me with,

don't you tell me the, don't you tell me flow,

Soooooooooooooooooooooooooo,

I hear you screeching,

Oh baby pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeease,

Give a little respect,

Tooo the Bee Gees!"

"Oh. My. God," said Hilary, speechless. Except for the "Oh my God," that is.

"Chief. I'm in love with you," said Ray seriously.

"Marry me, Chief," said Tyson.

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Chief screamed as all of the others converged on him. But eventually the spell of Chief's singing voice wore off.

"Let's go get… masked," Max said decisively. He and the others got up and headed from the room. Kai got up too, and then he went crashing to the floor.

By seven that evening pretty much everyone was incredibly drunk. The Masked Ball was well underway – boys in dragon masks and lion masks and phantom of the opera masks flounced around, slurring their words, whereas girls in butterfly masks, cat masks, and glittery white swan masks stumbled around, hanging off of limbs of boys and making complete fools of themselves.

"I LOVE THIS SONG!" drawled one of the drunk girls, wearing a very sparkly white outfit and one of the most glittery swan masks the party had seen.

"I hate this song," muttered the sober boy in a plain black mask as he was being dragged to the dance floor by swan girl.

"I know this song," said the foreign exchange blader in a rather obvious white tiger mask, dancing with a masked girl dressed all in red.

"Ha ha ha, Mean Girls reference," laughed a very drunk boy in a decorative dojo mask (if dojo masks don't exist, they should) as he poured more punch down his throat. "There is nnuh nnuuuuhhh… nothing funnier than a Mean Girls reference." He sat down in a corner and started giggling.

"Is it just me or is there no music playing?" a confused boy in a Hilary Clinton mask asked.

"Yeah, that guy over there tripped over the cord and the speakers have been unplugged for about half an hour," laughed another boy wearing a Nixon mask.

"I don't know what you're talking about, this song is AWESOME!" shrieked swan girl.

"Can you get off of me?" asked the boy in the black mask.

Over at the punch table, the dojo boy was joined by a girl dressed casually wearing a plain green mask. "How lame is this party?" she said confrontationally.

"Haaa, yeah I know what ya mean, haaaaaaaa," he "said".

"Urgh. I can't wait to leave."

Dojo boy stopped laughing to himself and looked up at the girl.

"Wait, don't I know you?"

"Oh God," the girl said, looking irritated and disgusted, but as she was about to stomp away, dojo boy grabbed her wrist.

"No, seriously… Emily? You're Emily."

"Wha – how did you know?"

"Apart from the fact that masks only cover less than one third of the face, that your mousy hair is in plain sight, that you're wearing your one outfit that you wear until the season ends, and that your voice is still the same as it always is, I'd say your pissed off and confrontational attitude was the give away," said a boy in a dragoon mask on top of which his large round glasses perched.

"I wasn't talking to you!" she snapped, turning back to dojo boy.

"Uhhhhhhh… what he said," said dojo boy. "Whaddaya doing here?"

"What?" she snapped.

"What are yuh doing here?"

"Why does your dialogue suck?"

"Because we don't know how to write drunk people dialogue… it's been a while since we've conversed with some," said the authors.

"Ser'sly, what are why are you what?"

She gaped at him. "I… the whole team is here. This is our last outing before we go back to the US. Who are you?"

But dojo boy was back to laughing at nothing.

"I think that's what people do when they're high, not drunk," said Emily to the authors.

"Shut up," they replied.

Sober boy had ditched swan girl, who had fallen into the arms of the boy in the Hilary Clinton mask, and Nixon-masked guy was now dancing half-heartedly with a girl in a magnificent gown and a peacock mask.

Sober boy furtively watched Ray and red-dressed girl dance from behind a fake plant.

It was much much later that night, at about an hour to midnight, when the romance started.

Emily was sitting with her arms crossed on a bench, glaring at anyone who dared come near her. Nixon-masked boy sat beside Emily, but neither of them spoke a word to each other. Dojo boy had recovered and was now holding much more entertaining conversations with anyone who came near the punch.

Ray in the obvious white tiger mask had danced with every girl that night, as was his custom, and now he had finally convinced peacock girl to dance. A crowd of his admirers had gathered at the edge of the dance floor, their glares burning holes into her.

Hilary Clinton boy and swan girl were still tightly entwined. The girl in red stood by herself just off the dance floor, watching with a ponderous expression on the large portion of her face that you could see.

The sober boy was still watching her from behind a plant, but occasionally his gaze drifted back toward Ray.

When the girl in red was asked to dance by someone else who wasn't sober boy, he sighed, tormented, and headed over to the punch bowl.

"Hey," said dojo boy.

"Hey," sighed sober boy.

"Why the long face?" asked dojo boy.

"I'm a frayed knot," replied sober boy.

"What?" asked anyone with a shred of sanity still luring in their bones.

"Ser'sly, what's up?" asked dojo boy.

"That girl," said sober boy, though he was looking at Ray, "I… want to dance with her. I guess."

"Well, go ask her, she's danced with everyone else," said dojo boy, following sober boy's gaze.

"She'll laugh at me," sighed sober boy.

"No she won't. Here, have some punch."

Ray at this point was dancing with one of his admirers. Peacock girl approached the punch bowl. Previously sober boy was tipping the whole bowl into his mouth. She stared at him.

"Hi," said dojo boy.

"Howdy," she replied, still staring at previously sober boy.

"What's up?"

"Well, I came over here for a refreshment, but…" she watched silently as previously sober boy drained the last drop.

"Yeah, sucks. You know what else is refreshing?" dojo boy asked.

"No, I can't venture a guess," she said with a small hint of a smile.

"Dancing with me."

"Hmm. Is it? Well then, not a moment to lose."

So midnight approached, and the evening ended like this: dojo boy and peacock girl danced for the rest of the night together, until finally de-masking in the moonlight. Hilary Clinton boy and swan girl could barely be detached from each other. Ray collected fifty new phone numbers.

Previously sober boy flung himself at the girl dressed in red and said, "Wannnnnna dance with…. ulp!" and then he passed out on top of her.

Emily removed her mask as the clock struck midnight and flung it on the floor moodily. Nixon-boy de-Nixoned to reveal a mop of blond hair and a sad, though usually cheery, face.

"Hi, Max."

"Hi, Emily."

Chief took his dragoon mask off and sat beside them. "So, good party, eh?"

They glared at him.

"What?" he asked.

Precisely "what" was discovered out in the moonlight, but the three were unaware of it, because they were now watching as, in the struggle to remove previously sober boy from her, the girl in red unmasked them both, revealing –

"KAI??"

And he woke at her shriek, saw her, and yelped, "Hilary?" And then promptly he passed out again.

Swan girl and Hilary Clinton boy de-masked. Dai Chi tossed his Hilary Clinton mask aside and stared up in adoration that swiftly turned to horror when –

"DAII CHI?" she yelped.

"TALA??????" he yelped back.

They both fell over.

And out in the garden as we mentioned, dojo boy removed his grandfather's mask from on top of his blue ponytail and baseball cap and stared, pale and terrified, into the cold, disgusted face of –

"MRS. TATE????????"

"What a horrible party." Emily sighed.

"I thought it was awesome!" Ray cheered.

Everyone glared at him.

_Soooooo. Yeah. We really hope you liked it, because it took us forever. And we just gave up at the end. _

_The songs we used/abused are (in order): Cher's Believe, some Irish people's You Raise Me Up, Celine Dion's It's All Coming Back to Me Now, and Erasure's A Little Respect (which you might want to check out if you don't know it and you like strange pop ballad thingies). Oh and that other thing that we don't consider a song._

_If you review, do tell us whether you thought our masked bladers were obvious. We think they were. Oh well. So, yeah, another chappa will always be forthcoming, it just may take a few years… sigh._

_Love:_

_ATA and erm_


	6. Vampires

_Halloo fanfic readers. We love you like we love our non-existent first-born sons, which is A LOT._

_This is our chapter about the theme of VAMPIRES - because "Vampires" is a theme – and it is an interlude between our LOVE chapters. (Yes, Masquerades and Karaoke are sub themes of Love, and all of them are themes. Shh.)_

_

* * *

_

_Dear Diary,_

_Love bites._

Kai shut his diary and shoved it under his mattress. It was filled with similar entries: 'Dear diary, my life is a nightmare. Dear diary, my life is a black abyss. Dear diary, I ran out of mascara. I want to die.'

But Kai couldn't die. No matter what he could have tried, from decapitation to quartering, his existence was stubborn and refused to be snuffed out without a well-done steak. This, Kai thought, was an unfortunate truth. It was only one curse of his kind.

Another curse was not being able to tell his friends about his true nature. He had been kidnapped at birth. His actual parents were vampires.

Kai, too, was a vampire.

This is just how genetic works.

_Curse genetics_, Kai fumed, slamming his fist against the wall. Ray did not wake up.

It killed Kai to keep a secret from his friends. No, it actually did.

Really.

He was a nice guy at heart. He was only grumpy all the time because no matter how much he loved his friends, they would never know the truth of the monster he was. Indeed he was a monster, he occasionally writhed around in the sun and sucked blood from innocents, no matter how much some people might have convinced him that he was fine just the way he was.

He lusted for his best friends' blood.

It was disgusting, and it made Kai sick. But when the sun set and he saw Tyson trundle off to bed that night, he knew what he had to do.

He took off his black, leather pyjamas. In their place he put on his black, leather day clothes, black, leather boots, and black, leather baseball cap. He touched up his eyeliner. He took a moment to dye his hair black with red streaks in it.

Then, he teleported. Yes, vampires can do that. Or at least Kai can.

He appeared at Tyson's side in a puff of black smoke with pictures of Marilyn Manson on it. He smiled, baring his fangs his friends had never cared to notice.

"Granger. Prepare to meet your doom."

"Um, Kai?"

Max was sitting on his bed, watching Kai loom over the snoring boy. "Yes?" Kai asked irritably.

"I always knew you were a grumpy guy and everything, but isn't this a bit much? Can't you just write another poem about it? I really liked that last one, about the train wreck and the crows and the dripping eyeliner."

"Max, stay out of this. I could kill you in an instant. No, in half an instant."

"Um, if you don't mind me asking, why are you going to kill Tyson?"

Kai realized that Max had asked a valid question. He shrugged. "Dunno. I just felt like it. I guess I don't really have to, huh."

"Guess not," Max yawned, lying down on his bed. He turned away. "Night, Kai."

"Night," Kai muttered, red eyes flashing in the candlelight. Max and Tyson preferred candles over nightlights. Kai pursed his black leather lips and made up his mind. A little drop couldn't hurt. He bore his teeth. He leaned over Tyson, his rattling breath washing over Tyson's exposed neck. Then, Kai struck.

There was a blood-curdling scream.

* * *

Later that night, Tyson woke up and put on his black leather corset, his black leather boxers, and his black leather socks. He glided downstairs to find some unfortunate preps to drain blood from and stick up his middle finger at. All he found was Grandpa. He went instead to the bathroom to apply his goth makeup, and of course he couldn't do so without turning on a Linkon Park CD and dreaming moodily of Edward.

But – TYSON DID NOT CAST A REFLECTION!

"OMFG WTF TTYL!" Tyson screamed. "How will I be able to apply my goth makeup without a reflection? Sob!"

* * *

Kai was thirsty. So very thirsty, he didn't quite know what to do about it.

It was another long night, during which Kai sat on his bed in a leather nightshirt and battled with his vampire urges.

He mentioned his thirst to Ray. Groggily he mumbled back, "Then get a drink, idiot."

This settled it. Kai stood and left the room, stalking down the hallway into Tyson and Max's room. Tyson was sleeping upside down, hanging from the curtains; large bat wings had materialized and were wrapped around him. Max was tap dancing on Tyson's bed.

"Kai!"

Max tripped and fell off the bed. Kai didn't waste time, he caught Max and sunk his teeth into his neck.

Max's eyes rolled back and he collapsed onto the floor.

* * *

Even though Hilary was a plain, unattractive, unpretty, not-a-looker, well-I-wouldn't-call-her-gorgeous, so-so, four-out-of-a-possible-ten, borderline-homely, okay-seriously-I-swear-she's-not-a-Mary-Sue clumsy brunette, Tyson lusted after her like no man had ever lusted after another man, woman, or dishtowel. That was probably because he wasn't a man – he was a vampire, thanks to Kai. A soulless, one hundred and fifty year old vampire.

"DAMN YOU, KAI! YOU MURDERED MY SOUL!" screamed Dunga.

"Yeah, he did that to me, too," said Tyson moderately.

Tyson followed Hilary through the halls at school, through the halls at his house, through the streets when she was walking home, and while she was asleep he stared moodily into her eyelids.

"I LOVE YOU BUT I WANT TO KILL YOU AT THE SAME TIME!" he shrieked.

"Tyson shut the hell up and get out of my room, it's the middle of the night, holy God."

"You should stay away from me, I'm a dangerous, sparkly man," Tyson whispered softly while seeming to melt before her eyes just because he was looking at her, wanting so much to be near her but being terrified that he might crush her out of his manly, sparkly, vampirey love for her.

"Piss off."

* * *

It was dusk the next day. Chief was reading the newspaper in Tyson's kitchen. Hilary was eating an orange while Tyson sipped some blood from a glass and stared at her, breathing heavily.

There came a scream, and an irritable reply.

"AUUUGGGHH! KAI!"

"What?"

"Be quiet, Ray!" That was Kenny.

"Go have sex somewhere else!" Hilary.

"KAI! WHY IS THERE BLOOD ON YOUR PILLOW?"

"I had a nosebleed.

"AND ALL DOWN YOUR CHIN!"

"A really bad nosebleed."

"AND ON YOUR TEETH!"

"What, you got a problem with nosebleeds?"

Max heard all this upon waking on his bedroom floor. He pushed his raven black hair out of his blood red eyes and put on an ebony black leather outfit. He sauntered into the kitchen and got out a box of Count Chocula as the others stared at him from the kitchen table.

"Who the hell are you?" Tyson asked, draining his glass of blood red blood.

Max just smiled, making his fangs visible. Kenny fainted.

"Does this mean you'll all stop bullying me for having pointy teeth?" Ray asked hopefully.

* * *

_This chapter bleeds sarcasm. Haaa, you see what we did there? We've paid homage to Stephenie Meyer's _Twilight_, and also Tara Gillesbi's (sp?) masterpiece, _My Immortal._ If you know anything about _Harry Potter_ and you need a chuckle or two, google it – _"My Immortal fanfic" _brings it up. Also Hilary got really angry and vulgar in this chapter. Shrug._

_Next theme is UNLIKELY PAIRINGS._


	7. Unlikely Pairings

_LOVE: UNLIKELY PAIRINGS_

_Warnings: __**Insanity! Blatant pairings! OOCness! **_

Tala picked out his best tie from among his parents' joke ones. "MOM! DAD!" he bellowed. "WHY DID YOU PUT YOUR CLOWN TIES WITH MINE? GOD!"

Tala's parents, Bozo and Clarabel, sauntered into the tie room and frowned in despair. "Son, we thought that was one of our funny ties!" they said together.

"NO! It's plain black, WHY would that be funny? Why would that be at all suited to your stupid clown act at the stupid circus?" Tala was fast approaching the height of apoplexy.

"Well, sometimes we wear a plain black one for the show if we want to be ironic!"

"I HATE MY LIFE!" Tala shrieked, and then the doorbell rang.

"Oh my God, oh my God, oh my God, oh my God, oh my God, he's here, oh my God, mom, help me, oh my God!"

Alas, Clarabel's idea of "help" was to squirt Tala with the flower she wore on her lapel, and Bozo simply honked the horn around his waist a few times.

"ARGH!" Tala screamed as he fumbled for the doorknob, and his parents shouted together, "Good luck, son!"

Tala rearranged his features into a cool half-smile just as he opened the door, which found him face to face with Boris.

"Hi," said Boris coolly.

"Hi," was Tala's cool reply.

"So, shall we?" asked Boris coolly.

"Sure," said Tala in a cool sort of way.

They coolly got into Boris's large, black car and Boris coolly told the driver to go. They regarded each other coolly for a while before Boris said coolly, "So how are you?"

Tala said coolly, "I'm fine."

"Ah," said Boris coolly.

"Mm hmm," said Tala coolly.

Boris coolly adjusted his coat. Tala asked coolly, "Where are we going?"

"To Mama Frizzolita's Romantic Pizza Palace," was Boris's cool reply.

"Oh, I've heard that it's very romantic," said Tala in a way that can only be described as "cool."

"Yup," said Boris coolly.

They were on their main course, Romantic Pizza, when they spotted Tyson and Mariah sitting at a table nearby, feeding each other globs of mashed potato with their hands, forks discarded.

"Mariah, my dear, I have been searching far and wide for a maiden who is as much of a mashed potato connoisseur as I, and to think I would find her in a curvy pink quasi-feminist such as you!"

"Oh, Tyson!" Mariah sighed, mashed potato flying haphazardly out of her mouth. "You seemed like such an idiot. How could I have known of our mutual feelings toward the noble mashed potato?"

"That's odd," Tala commented in a cool way.

Boris stood and took his coat coolly. "Shall we move on?"

"Cool," Tala said coolly.

They walked into the cool limo and turned up the air conditioning. As they drove off to the beach, a distressed waiter came sprinting after them.

"You forgot to pay!" he shouted at the disappearing vehicle.

The limo drove into the ocean. Tala and Boris swam to shore and began to walk along the edge of the cool water.

"So how's being an evil mastermind?" Tala asked coolly.

"Cool," said Boris. "And how goes being a teenaged creep show?"

"Frosty," Tala replied. Boris nodded in a cool way.

The two were distracted from their coolness by the sound of loud giggling. They looked around coolly for the source of their interruption and found Kai and Kenny, hand in hand, sprinting along the beach, flinging sand into Tala's eyes.

"SWEET MOTHER OF ALL THAT IS CLOWNLIKE AND MYSTERIOUS!" Tala roared coolly.

"Are you okay?" asked Boris, checking his watch.

"Yeah, yeah, I'm fine," Tala sputtered. _Oh great Circus Tent in the Sky, please let him not have heard that slip of the clown tongue! I don't want him to think that I'm creepier than Brooklyn! _ "Speaking of clowns, I mean, my parents, I mean, shit!"

Boris stopped in his tracks. "Whoa, whoa. Whoa. Tala. Whoa. Your cool. Where did it go?" he asked, leaning towards the grotesquely younger man.

"I'm so sorry!" Tala moaned. "I'm just so nervous! I really want this to work out! I mean, clown! I mean, no! Oh crispy floating Pennywise, I'm such a moron!"

"Oh. It's okay." Boris seemed slightly embarrassed. "It's cool."

"Cool," said Tala gratefully.

The beach ended and abruptly morphed into a grassy lawn lit by fluttering fireflies. In the romantic glow, three long shadows were disappearing around a corner of the tall hedges surrounding them.

"Let's sit down so you can regain your cool," Boris suggested, gesturing to a nearby bench.

They settled on the cool, hard surface of the boards by which the bench had been constructed many years ago by a gentleman named Frank's third cousin with the goatee and the weird sideburns.

The receding shadows' voices were still in earshot. "AJ, don't you think it's about time we took Hilary for a drink at that water fountain?"

"Sure Brad. And check out that massive rosebush, that would really hurt if I shoved you into it!"

"Yes it would, AJ. Which is why if you do, I'll tell Hilary about the time you-"

"Hey Brad, yo mama's so fat, she thought she was going backwards!"

"…What?" said Brad.

Tala looked at Boris. "So, purple hair, huh?"

"Yep," Boris said coolly. "It's been like this since I decided to become an evil villain back in '93."

"Hey, that's the year I learned to use the clown potty!"

"Whoa, check out that age difference, Brad!"

"Boris seems to have gotten an extremely obnoxious nose piercing to bridge the gap! Look at the size of that skull poking out of his nostril, AJ!"

"It's so huge, it's hard to _not_ be looking at it! Right, Hilary?"

"Um…"

"That's right AJ."

"Tala doesn't seem to mind though, judging by the massive expanse of midriff he's showing." Tala gasped and pulled his shirt down over his stomach.

"What is it with you and young guys' midriffs, AJ?"

"Well Brad, I like to make vaguely inappropriate comments to release the sexual tension that builds up when I'm around you!"

"Um, should I leave?" Hilary asked.

"AJ, are you being – I mean – do you, uh?"

"Yes Brad, I'm in love with… your midriff."

"I should probably be getting home," Tala said regretfully.

"Just let me call another of my limos," Boris said, gesturing to the still sinking limo in the ocean.

As they walked hand in hand to the road to meet the limo, they passed Ray and Mr. Dickenson frolicking gaily in a ditch.

"What is going on with the world?" asked Dizzi, sitting abandoned where Kenny had stowed her during his romp with Kai.


	8. Bonus Chapter 8

Bonus Chapter: Songfic. I'm Just a Kid

**A/N: Neither erm nor annoyingtalkinganimal owns Beyblade or I'm Just a Kid by Simple Plan, which is a truly noble and deep song that makes us choke up every time. Really.**

**We love you, Simple Plan. Keep doing what you do. You are the hottest guys EVA!1**

_Tonight_

Tyson woke up on the floor of his dojo and checked his watch. 7:00.

"I woke up it was 7, waited 'til 11 just to figure out that no one would call," Tyson said sullenly, ignoring grandpa when he pointed out that it wasn't 11 yet. "My life is a nightmare."

"Nobody cares," Kai supplied from the other side of the room.

Daichi was sitting on the floor, tracing patterns in the dust. "The _world_ is having more fun than me."

"What's another night all alone when you're spending every day on your own?" Ray sobbed quietly.

_Wide awake, I'm bored, and I can't fall asleep_

_And every night is the worst night ever_

_I'm just a kid_

_I'm just a kid_

_I'm just a kid_

_I'm just a kid_

Max had been meditating in a corner when a bucket fell on his head. He looked at it and wondered aloud, "how did this happen to me?" but no one had an explanation.

Instead, Tyson said, "everyone has somewhere to go. And they're gonna leave me here on my own."

"_Here_ it goes," Kai sighed.

"I'm trying to think about the last time I had a good time," Daichi complained loudly.

"Maybe when the night's dead I'll crawl into my bed," Ray said, swooning. "Staring at these four walls _again_."

Max said, "but I don't hear from them."

"I'm just a kid, I'm just a kid, I'm just a kid, I'm just a kid," said Tyson.

_Don't fit in with anybody_


End file.
